Fighting Fear

My first two children very rarely got sick. I figured it was the breastmilk that did it. Josh, on the other hand, seems to be making up for it by being sick for all three of them. I'm starting to feel like my breastmilk soured or became defective or something because I can't keep him healthy for more than a few days.

First there was RSV. One evening, when Josh was 2 1/2 weeks old, he and I developed cold symptoms. I wasn't worried about it because my older son, Sammy, had just gotten over a mild cold so I figured we picked it up from him. I'd just nurse Josh and he'd be fine like my other kids always were and because I'd have antibodies to share. The next morning we went to church like normal (he wasn't going to the nursery). When we came home, I noticed he felt warm as I was carrying him in. He hadn't been warm at all at church. I took his temperature and found it to be moderately high. I checked my hospital paperwork and found it was over the limit listed. I called the doctor and was told to take him to the ER. Off we went.


At the ER I found out it was crucial for them to determine the cause of the fever because of his age. They had to do a full workup: urine, blood, nasal secretions, and spinal tap. The spinal tap was torture.


Not long later, I received the first bit of bad news; he had a kidney infection and would require a minimum two day stay so that they could administer IV antibiotics. I called my husband and we arranged for my children to spend a couple days with a family friend so that he could join us. We told his job he wouldn't be coming in; we didn't care if he lost his job over it either. They started the IV in ER while we waited for a room to be readied for us.


Then we received the next bit of bad news; he also had RSV. I was instantly scared; I knew about RSV. We were told that he'd now require at least a four day stay. I called my dad to see if he could get time off work to come care for my other children as my friend could only keep them three days. He could.


We spent 8 days in the hospital with our baby. He was obviously suffering and many times there was nothing we could do to ease his discomfort. We listened as monitors sounded alarms when his blood oxygen level dropped too low. We watched as respiratory specialists came in regularly to thread tubing up his nose to suction out the thick mucus that was keeping him from getting the vital oxygen he needed. We never left him, not for a minute, without one of us in the room with him. Every time a nurse or specialist walked in the room, we stood and joined them at his bedside, day or night. By the third day, he could no longer breathe well enough to nurse at all, not even a little, and he went 18 hours without eating anything at all. He cried for two hours, in pain and hungry, while we stood by helplessly and cried too. He lost a full pound, ten percent of his body weight, in just a few days. Finally, he passed the hump and started to get better. But he wasn't getting all the way better and they couldn't get him weaned off the oxygen. He was able to nurse again but I was in such a state of fatigue and stress, that I broke down. I was in a state of depression (a state I know well and was afraid to revisit) and couldn't bare to hold him let alone nurse him. My husband sent me home to shower and see my other kids and, hopefully, come back better able to cope again. I called my best friend and my dad fixed me some food. I showered, hugged my kids, and drove back to the hospital with enough energy to make it one more day. Finally, after eight days, he came home. It took several days after that for him to recover fully.


That was last March. He had a few colds after that. Then somewhere around September he developed an ear infection. Antibiotics didn't clear it so he had another round of antibiotices, only this time a stronger one. Immediately after that, we discovered that he had a bladder infection again. He was placed, once again, on antibiotics. The goal: to get rid of it before it developed into a kidney infection requiring IV treatment in the hospital. Two weeks later, we went back in for a recheck. I knew it wouldn't be gone because the medicine was bitter and he wouldn't swallow it. Antibiotic number four was started. It didn't work. Antibiotic number five was prescribed. This one made him throw up several times; probably more psychosymatic from having to take so much medicine. We went back for a recheck and I told the doctor, "Enough!" I requested some time to try to treat it naturally and started him on cranberry supplements. It's been 12 days and he hasn't developed a fever. We go back Thursday for a recheck (and another catheter...poor guy) to see if the cranberry did the trick. I'm praying it did because I'm worried about what these medicines are doing to him and the consequences of not being able to get rid of it.


In the meantime, he's sick again. He has a runny nose. It's clear and doesn't run all the time. When it does, though, you better be quick. He started coughing last night. It was worse today. A few times the coughing made him throw up. Mostly he's acting okay...still playing, still smiling, still have, no fever. However, during my last visit I asked my doctor about RSV season (I'm still paranoid about him getting it again). RSV season hasn't started yet here; however, whooping cough is going around. And he's coughing....


I can't help feeling afraid.

Having a baby in the hospital changes you. I never used to be this paranoid about my children being sick. We use to keep playdates even if our friends were sick. Now, I won't take Josh to church because I see runny noses in the nursery. Every runny nose is potentially RSV, potentially a stay at the hospital, potentially a life-ending event.

Want a Kiss?

We just got back from a follow up doctor's appointment for Joshua. He's had a bladder infection for almost a month now. He refused to swallow the first antibiotic prescribed so it didn't work. Then he was put on a different one. He took that one fine. Today he had leukocytes (white blood cells indicating inflammation) in his urine so they are sending it in for a culture. We'll know in a couple of days if he still has a bladder infection. With leukocytes in his urine, I'm expecting that he will.

On top of that, he came down with a stuffy nose yesterday...thanks to all the wonderful church mommas who so kindly shared their child's illness with us. There is a written policy at church stating that sick kids should not be brought to church and that they won't be allowed in class/nursery if they have __________. Despite that, Scott and I find that we are wiping up green snotty noses from 1-4 kids each week in the infant nursery (we stay with Josh and help out). With Josh being sick with one thing or another for that past 3 months, I sure wish that parents would follow the guidelines and that the church would enforce their own policy.

While we were at the doctor, we asked him to check Sammy out. He's complained a couple of times about his throat hurting. Other than that, he has looked or acted sick. Well, he has strep.

So, wanna kiss? I'm sure either Josh or Sammy would love to oblige.

He's Come a Long Way

Josh's new love of pointing got me thinking about Sammy and how far he's come...



Sammy was born December 31, 2001. My labor had been a long one for a second child. Finally, after 22 hours and a small intervention, he rushed into this world just a bit before midnight. He was gorgeous and alert.

It wasn't long before we found the first small hurdle he needed to overcome: eczema. For his first four months of life he had eczema covering nearly his entire body. It was mild and, at first, we thought he just had a normal newborn rash. Once he had greater head control, he began rubbing his face back and forth on our chests; a habit we thought was cute until we realized he had eczema. It wasn't until I woke up one morning and saw him rubbing his face against the sheets of our bed that I realized the cause: detergents. That morning, I dumped every washable item we had into a huge mountain of laundry and washed everything without soap, on a double rinse cycle. His eczema almost entirely disappeared, and with it, that cute habit or rubbing his face against our chest. I wonder today if the eczema was part of the reason why he never did like being held much as a baby.

I always had concerns about Sammy from very early on. I believe God created babies to crave and need closeness; but Sammy just didn't fit that at all. He was happiest when he was on the floor, alone, untouched. It was odd. Then there was the fact that I could never, and I mean never, figure out what he wanted or needed. He would cry but I couldn't distinguish what kind of cry it was. Was he hungry? Was he tired? Did he have a dirty diaper? He wasn't my first child. I knew how to read a baby's cues. But with him, I couldn't. I was frazzled and frustrated with my inability to understand him. The only thing I could do was try each thing until one of them stopped the crying. Things progressed until he was two.

Around the age of two, it became obvious to me that something was wrong. He still wasn't talking. He couldn't even communicate his basic needs. I had a hard time convincing anyone to help. I kept hearing, "He's a boy.", "Boys develop late.", or "Don't comparing him to Mika. She's advanced." Then he lost the only speech he had (12 partially formed words). and began throwing violent tantrums bent on trying to hurt anyone he could get his hands on or sink his teeth into. He hit, pulled hair, tried to gouge eyes, and bit (everyone...Scott, Mika, Mika's friend, me, even the dog). I was finally able to convince the pediatrician something was wrong and got the needed referral to the developmental specialists.

We made appointments and went for assessments with the speech pathologist, occupational therapist, and developmental pediatrician. The results: at age 2 years and 4 months he was at the level of a 9 month old. Just one aspect of this, the part that Josh reminded me of, was that Sammy still did not know how to point: a skill that develops around 9 months of age. Finally, about a few months before he turned three, Sammy began receiving speech therapy through the Child Find program and the local children's hospital. At three, he entered public school attending the special ed. preschool program mid-year.

Adjusting to preschool was difficult in some aspects; but, overall he had fun. Meanwhile, I was asking the doctor why he was still having soft stools even though I had weaned him months prior. For a while, he wasn't concerned but I persisted and finally got a referral to a gastroenternologist. The hope: to find out why he was having diarrhea five times a day and why he ate and ate and ate and ate. Tests were run on his stool, his blood, and he had a endoscopy. The results: nothing, nada, zip. How frustrating!

Summer came and Sammy had made some improvements but not a lot. His speech was limited to individual words and two word phrases. At least now we could determine his basic needs. With no help from the doctor, I decided to begin a elimination diet as soon as school was out. I'd start with dairy because of family history (I'm lactose intolerant and Mika was allergic to dairy for a short time.). Would you believe that his diarrhea was gone in only three days! I challenged the test and it returned. Definitely dairy! What was frustrating at this point was that the gastroenternologist had tested for this but the test was negative. Lactose intolerance is easy to deal with; you can either avoid dairy altogether or take a lactase supplement with dairy. I found this wonderful product called Digestive Advantage; it is a once daily supplement and works so much better than other lactase supplements on the market. We started that and life got exciting.

By the end of summer, Sammy was speaking in full sentences. His teacher and speech therapist at school were shocked. The progress he made was astounding; school and speech therapy began to work well now that he could focus better. It was determined he had apraxia and his schooling/therapy focused on articulation.

Where is he now? He graduated from preschool last year and began homeschooling over thesummer. His evaluation showed him to be half way through kindergarten so we started there. Over the summer, it became apparent that he knew much of what was covered during the typical kindergarten year. In October, I ordered and tested him using the California Achievement Test. He passed the kindergarten test with 90% or better in all areas so he's officially in first grade now. He loves school, especially reading and math. He has a knack for numbers and memorizing parts of things. In November, he took a favorite book to his speech therapist at the local elementary school so he can show her and read it to her. Half way through the book, she stopped him and told us he doesn't even qualify for services anymore. She doubts he even has apraxia.

I think all of this was a result of lactose intolerance. Because of his undiagnosed intolerance, everything he ate passed right through him. His body never had the opportunity to draw sufficient nutrients from his food to nourish his brain properly, thereby hindering his ability to learn. Once we took care of his intolerance, he began making up for lost time in huge leaps and bounds. He's caught up or surpassed development on almost every level. He only has a short way to go in speech and language skills but that will come soon enough, I'm sure.

He's an awesome kid! He is fun-loving, sensitive, caring, and loves to laugh.

He's come a long way!